I Am

      Today, overwhelmed by all of the grief and suffering that are plaguing this broken and beautiful world, my heart said, "let's call a meeting".
      So, I pulled up a chair at the table there in my heart and asked, "Okay, who exactly is calling this meeting?"  The answer came, not in audible words, but in the language that only the heart can convey... "I Am". 
      "Who are you?", I asked.  "I Am", came the reply.  "Oh, I get it... like Moses and the burning bush", I replied somewhat facetiously.
      "So, are you actually God (Source, Universe, whatever), or just my imagination?"  "I Am."  "Wait, are you saying you're my imagination?" "I Am."  "So, you are not actually God?"  "I Am".  "You are both?"  "I Am". 

      "Alright, " I continued, " then where are you in all of this suffering?"
"I Am".  "Wait, you are what?  Are you saying that you are present with us in our suffering?"  "I Am". "Then, are you suffering with us?"  "I Am".  

      This answer gave me a moment of pause as I swallowed back some tears.  And as I held them back, I suppressed the sadness... or nostalgia... or whatever this emotion was, and I felt it shift toward frustration.

      "What are you?  Who are you?"   "I Am". 
      Scooting to the edge of my chair, starting to feel more than a little frustration with the seemingly intentional ambiguity, I tried to clarify, " I mean, what is your identity?"
      "I Am".

      Feeling a little snarky at this point, my questions shifted a bit.

      "Are you mother, or are you father?"

      "I Am".

      "Are you female or male?"

      "I Am".

      "Are you gay or straight, or some other orientation?"

      "I Am".

      "Are you a Democrat, or some other political affiliation?"

      "I Am".

      "Hmm.  Alright then, if you are God, what is your true religion?  Are you the God of Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, or some other religion I am less familiar with?"

      "I Am".

      "Are you saying that you are the God of all religions?"

      "I Am".

      "What about no religion?  Are you okay with the fact that there are millions of people in the world who don't believe in you at all?"

      "I Am".

      "Okay", I continued, "If you are actually God, then why have you allowed all of this suffering?"  "In fact," I continued, and at this point, my frustration began to build like a snowball into an avalanche of anger, "why the hell aren't you doing anything to help?!?"

      "I Am".

      "You are what?!?"

My anger started to cool a bit as that last answer was slowly sinking in...

"Wait... you are helping?"              

      "I Am".

      " And... you are suffering?"

      "I Am".

      "And... you are persisting in love for all of us no matter what we do or don't believe?"

      "I Am".

      This time, the answer, though gentle as it was, crashed into the ship of my critical mind like a wave of the Ocean of Love.  Now, as that ship began to sink, I remembered that it was my heart who called this meeting, not my mind.  

      Tears, like salty drops from that Ocean of Love within, now washed away my anger and frustration. 
So, I eased back down into that chair at the meeting table in my heart.  Here, I found myself breathing slowly and intentionally, as the ebb and flow of this Ocean of Love now gently washed away my limited sense of all of the things that I am...        
      I am...
      I am...
      I am?

      "Who am... I?  What am... I?"

      The Ocean of Love answered these newfound questions by continuing to wash away all of my limited sense of self-identification. 

      Now, there was no more, "I am this" or "I am that". 
      No more, "I am a musician/poet/writer" or "I am a teacher".       
      No more, "I am a Democrat" or "I am any other political affiliation". 
      No more, "I am a Christian" or "I am any other religion". 
      No more, "I am an atheist" or "I am an agnostic".
      No more, "I am straight" or "I am gay". 
      No more, "I am female" or "I am male". 
      No more, "I am mother" or "I am father".     

      And as I breathed in this new sense of freedom from all that I think I am, Love leaned over the table in my heart and whispered:

      "Now that you remember who you truly are, who is going to answer the cry of the suffering and become the change that is so desperately needed in this broken and beautiful world?"

      The answer was now clear...

      "I am".